Milestones that matter – A trans masc story - It Gets Better Canada

Milestones That Mattered

First Trans-masc Haircut

In my first year of university, I started developing a deep discomfort surrounding my long hair. I made an appointment with the hairdresser I had been seeing for years. When I sat down in the chair, I asked if I could have a more neutral style, and for it to be short. I’m pretty sure the word ‘neutral’ was completely lost on the stylist since what I ended up with by the time the appointment was over, what I received was anything but. It wasn’t as short as I’d hoped, and I looked a bit too much like a middle-aged mom. Despite all that, having it short was one of the best feelings. As soon as I left the salon, I took a couple of selfies: the smile on my face beaming from ear to ear.

Finally, the dysphoria was gone.

I know now that my experience was pretty common. Most people like me get haircuts like that, whether from fear of looking too masculine, not having the right language, or the stylist misinterpreting the situation entirely. About a year later, I got another haircut from an affirming salon a few cities away, and let me tell you it was SO much better. If you’re looking for a gender-affirming trans-masc haircut that doesn’t suck, try to find a place that caters for all genders, bring reference photos, and don’t be afraid to advocate for the cut that you really want. And if cost is a barrier, I got a haircut kit for about $20 from London Drugs that came with two clippers, clipper combs, and a pair of scissors. You can look up tutorials online and if you can, get a friend to help you with the back! At the end of the day, it does grow back and you can fix it if it’s not what you want. Remember that you deserve a haircut that represents you and that you feel good in!

Binding: Second Try

Whenever I saw videos of trans people trying on a binder for the first time, there was always this swell of emotion, sometimes tears—euphoria palpable through my phone screen. My experience was not like this…

During the summer after my first year of uni I was still living at home, still closeted, and very dysphoric. One thing that definitely got me through was my best friend from high school who recommended I get a binder. I went online and used her address so I could remain stealth at home. When it finally shipped, we met up so she could give it to me. Unwrapping it felt amazing; it was perfect! I couldn’t wait to try it on when I got home.

But when I put it on and looked in the bathroom mirror, I didn’t get a wave of emotion like the people online. It felt weird and scary. I took it off and put it in my closet, disappointed.

When I finally decided to try it on again, everything changed. All of the joy and euphoria and tears had finally arrived; I couldn’t stop looking in the mirror, feeling how flat it was.

The discomfort that had been there the first time—and the dysphoria that had been there for a while—were gone and I was happy.

Now, three years later, I’ve grown out of that old binder (thanks, Testosterone) and now have two new ones. I also use KT tape or TransTapeⓇ when I want to bind all day. (For those of you in British Columbia and tight on funds, Qmunity has a form on their website to get gender-affirming products for free!) I’m not entirely sure why it took two tries for me to feel at home in my binder. But I’m sure as hell glad it finally worked. And if this happens to you, don’t be discouraged. It might just take a couple more tries for you to feel at home.

Voice-change Challenges

In high school, I did musical theatre and loved to sing. I was a soprano until I went on HRT after years of living with voice dysphoria. When my voice started to drop, I was so excited! Finally, singing wouldn’t be dysphoric anymore. One thing I definitely wasn’t ready for was how difficult singing would become. Because my voice was dropping so quickly, it squeaked when I tried to sing and it was so hard to find notes in my new register.

Relearning how to sing has been tough, both mentally and physically. I follow along to videos online from voice teachers and practice my ear training with a piano app on my phone. I can safely say now that after over a year my voice has settled, and for the most part, I can sing along with the tenors in my favourite musicals. I still have to be careful not to push myself too hard, and not to get discouraged when it comes out squeaky.

Despite the difficulty, ending the dysphoria has been absolutely worth it.

Being trans is tough, especially right now. Finding affirming friends and affirming spaces can also be really difficult if you’re new. But there is hope! Look up resources for LGBTQ+ people in your area. For those of you in BC, Qmunity has support groups for trans people, bisexual people, and more. I wouldn’t be surprised to find that other provinces/territories have similar programs. There are also discord servers for trans people that you can join. When I was still figuring myself out, I joined a trans discord server and was able to try out my new name with others over voice chat. Just remember that there are tons of people like you, and we’ve all been in your shoes before. Finding people who love you for who you are can be difficult sometimes, but trust that you will find your people. And above all, remember that you are not alone!

About the Author

Alexander is a trans man living with his boyfriend in BC, Canada. He has a BA in Theatre from TWU and is agnostic and chronically ill. When he’s not acting or stage managing for a show, you can find him cosplaying on TikTok, playing video games on stream, or playing with his cat, Lilith. Alexander hopes that with the content he puts online—whether silly or serious—people like him feel less alone. You can find him on TikTok, Instagram, and Twitch @moonlit_w4nderer.

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