Queering the Roadmap to Filmmaking
Free Livestream Event – November 20, 2024 Have you ever wondered how to get your foot in the film industry? What grants or funding opportunities
It Gets Better CanadaIt Gets Better CanadaI love you.
I love how your back rolls look like waves crashing on the shore when you stretch in the morning. I love how your belly hangs out of your pants, round and soft, red stretch marks inching their way to your heart.
I love the plumpness of your cheeks, your double-triple chin, how it jiggles when you laugh, a bird ready to take flight. I love how much space you occupy simply by existing, lounging around in the grass alone or with your loved ones, walking down the street, sitting on the bus, and getting ready for bed at night.
I don’t know how it feels for you, but every year when it starts getting warm outside, I experience a moment of imbalance. I’m really nervous the first time I have to go outside without a coat or hoodie on, remembering how vulnerable it can feel to anticipate being scrutinized and stared at. the first really hot day here took place a couple days ago, and I changed outfits at least five times — I ended up wearing a low-rise skirt and a short tank top on which my partner had bleached drawings of butterflies and flowers. I felt a lump in my throat when I stepped outside, even though my (thin) friend was with me. When we arrived at the park we set up our camping chairs, took our books and snacks out, and started reading. It didn’t take long for me to take my top off and let the sun warm my face and body. Under its glow, my big belly rolls, top surgery scars, and tired face were unconditionally loved. I felt my whole body relax under this gentle hug. When I stood up later on to go get a cheeseburger close by, I was already feeling much less self-conscious. The day after, getting ready to go back to the park, I put on short biker shorts and a cropped tank top and didn’t care at all who looked at me or how.
Now, this doesn’t always happen, and it’s really ok. I internalized a long time ago that I should always project a strong and self-assured persona around thin people, and never let them see that I sometimes do struggle with loving / liking / feeling neutral about my body. Or rather, that fatphobia everywhere – and even more prominently inside queer and trans communities – tires me to the point where I wish I was thin so that I could just stop thinking about it, put on the most basic pair of mom jeans, a white t-shirt and docs and be called a fashion icon (haha).
All this to say — the sun knows nothing of the racist, ableist, fatphobic, classist (etc etc) beauty standards that surround us. the sun shows up and envelops me in their loving arms. they know that my body, however much in pain that day, barely able to move, or full of energy with a bounce in its steps — that my body, literally just existing — is, has always been, and will always be enough. and so, I don’t know if it will resonate with you, but here is a non-exhaustive list of some beings who show me I am (we are) always beautiful and deserving of love and care: the moon, the sun, the stars. bodies of water. The wind. soil. rain. butterflies and ladybugs. trees, mountains. rocks.
For the past year, I’ve been living in a rural area (the closest big town being an hour away) with roommates who are thin and only have thin friends, and in the past months I’ve realized how much of a toll it’s taken on me. I don’t want to date them, but I still see them all dating each other and telling me about it (you know what I mean). I see who they find beautiful, who they look up to, I see them wear ample clothes that would fit at least a small fat person. I’m fortunate enough that I can talk about these things with my roommates and that they are really receptive to them. but some days it’s just hard, no matter what. and so a couple weeks ago I wrote the list I shared with you above, and it felt really supportive. I can’t always be held by the people around me or sometimes even by myself, but I can always be seen and see myself in the nature around me. I hope you feel seen sometimes, even if just a little. I hope you can remember that there are so many queer and trans fat people out there who are rooting for you, even if from afar.
I see you. I cherish you. I value you. I will always choose you. I LOVE YOU! Thank you.
"I hope you can remember that there are so many queer and trans fat people out there who are rooting for you, even if from afar. I see you. i cherish you. I value you. I will always choose you. I LOVE YOU! Thank you."
Jack (they/them) is a white queer and trans disabled community worker and organizer living on Wolastoqiyik Wahsipekuk territory. their work is rooted in disability justice, fat liberation, 2SLGBTQIA+ and anti-oppressive frameworks. they love to read, spend time by the water, bake for loved ones and binge watch tv shows.
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For generations, my indigenous communities and queer and trans communities solely survived erasure through the strength of their communities. For many queer and trans communities, this survival was hidden underground and behind the scenes in urban areas. They created queer and trans spaces for themselves to feel safer and to live freely, where they can share ideas about their needs. Those spaces came to fruition to fulfill the need to be seen, celebrated and loved, but also to acknowledge the fact that queer and trans people have always existed. For folks living in rural areas, it is especially hard to embrace your identities for many reasons previously stated, but communities begin in those individual relationships. It is with great privilege, I invite you to embrace your identities, whether it is 2SLBGTQ+, Indigenous, or rural because people before and after you will hold the same or similar experiences. You are not alone. To live freely can and might bring some societal challenges, and I would like to be mindful of that, but the smallest action can ripple on forever. Create spaces for 2SLGBT+ people, for our ancestors and future generations, and create spaces you need.
