{"id":2488,"date":"2022-04-11T07:30:39","date_gmt":"2022-04-11T11:30:39","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/itgetsbettercanada.org\/?p=2488"},"modified":"2024-07-25T08:59:34","modified_gmt":"2024-07-25T12:59:34","slug":"im-not-coming-out-of-the-closet-the-road-to-figuring-out-my-sexuality","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/itgetsbettercanada.org\/fr\/2022\/04\/11\/im-not-coming-out-of-the-closet-the-road-to-figuring-out-my-sexuality\/","title":{"rendered":"\u00ab Je ne sors plus du placard : Mon parcours de d\u00e9couverte de mon orientation sexuelle \u00bb"},"content":{"rendered":"\t\t
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\u201cI\u2019m not coming out of the closet\u201d<\/h2>\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/section>\n\t\t\t\t
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The road to figuring out my sexuality<\/h6>\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/section>\n\t\t\t\t
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There is no template for sexuality. Whether you\u2019re the closeted jock or confused Christian, every individual has a unique sexuality story worth validating, discussing and listening to. I share my story today hoping my words resonate or aid someone in their journey. Throughout this reading please remember the following: <\/span>\u201cSexuality is a spectrum,\u201d<\/b> this reading may not resonate whatsoever and that is more than okay.<\/span><\/p>

To tell this story properly, I have to take you back to a very traumatic time in my life \u2014 Elementary School. It\u2019s true what they say, kids can be\u00a0MEAN<\/b>\u00a0and for me, there was no exception; \u201cF*ggot,\u201d \u201cQueer,\u201d \u201cSissy boy,\u201d you name it, I was most likely called it. Throughout Elementary school, I never actually felt any sort of attraction towards males or felt the need to push away that part of myself as many others do. So for me, being called all these names mostly hurt because I never felt I could be myself authentically without being penalized for it, not necessarily because it was true.\u00a0Looking back, It makes me sad to think young me was being called gay before he even knew what it\u00a0<\/b>really<\/i><\/b>\u00a0meant.<\/b><\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t

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I often place partial blame on the Catholic school board I attended for failing its students by solely preaching heteronormative relationships in classroom settings. Attending a school where the topic of homosexuality was taboo allowed peers to feel confidence in their ignorance and perpetuated the idea that \u201chomosexuality is a sin.\u201d Not allowing developing minds to learn about other avenues of attraction besides man and woman instilled the mindset and or connotation that the term gay was a bad thing. It\u2019s heartbreaking to know some kid out there believes gay is equally as derogatory as the \u201cF word\u201d like I once did. <\/span><\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/section>\n\t\t\t\t

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Upon entering my first year of high school, I transitioned from a conservative, close-minded Catholic school to an openly inclusive and diverse public school.<\/b> As time went on in this new environment, I started feeling attracted to all kinds of different gender identities.<\/span><\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/section>\n\t\t\t\t

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\n\t\t\t\t\tAt first, I pushed the feelings away but it wasn\u2019t because I was ashamed of them,<\/span>\n\t\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t\tI just didn\u2019t want the bullies to be right.<\/span>\n\t\t\t\t<\/span>\n\t\t\t\t<\/h3>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/section>\n\t\t\t\t
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Not allowing myself to live authentically was easier than feeling like my elementary school bullies had won. It\u2019s insane to think individuals who were no longer in my life still had such control over the decisions I was making.<\/span><\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/section>\n\t\t\t\t

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Unfortunately, although attending an arts school that openly advertised inclusiveness, there were many challenges and setbacks to these circumstances as well. Before I had even officially come out, once again I was faced with bullies. A typical day consisted of whispering, stares and laughs especially as I walked by the group of hypermasculine jocks in the halls. For a school that preached equality and acceptance, it was very far from. Being discriminatory at our school was instant removal from the arts program, meaning that in order to bully me and other queer kids, the bullies just had to get creative. A moment I remember vividly was being spat on in the halls by a group of the 12th-grade \u201ccool kids\u201d while a few of them watched closely for teachers. I often feared using the boy’s washroom knowing it was where they often met to vape and talk poorly about other students.<\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/section>\n\t\t\t\t

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All this absolutely sucks, however, it was not the start of my villain origin story.<\/b> I got to a place mentally where <\/span>the things people were saying or doing no longer had an effect on how I lived my life.<\/b><\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/section>\n\t\t\t\t

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\n\t\t\t\t\tWith all this newfound power, I made the decision to<\/span>\n\t\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t\tnever come out<\/span>\n\t\t\t\t<\/span>\n\t\t\t\t\tof the closet publicly.<\/span>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/h3>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/section>\n\t\t\t\t
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Throughout my journey, I constantly felt like I had to explain or give reasoning behind loving who I wanted so, instead of publicly justifying my sexuality for people, I <\/strong><\/span>just began living my truth, going on dates and loving who felt right for me in the moment.<\/b><\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/section>\n\t\t\t\t

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There is no template for sexuality; sexuality is a spectrum. It was only a few years ago that I discovered I resonated more with the term Pansexual rather than Bisexual. Sexuality is unique per person and does not have a one size fits all solution.<\/span><\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/section>\n\t\t\t\t

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The best advice I could give to someone who might be exploring themselves is to stop focusing on a title and hone in on the feeling. Titles are not permanent, your feelings are!<\/h4>\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/section>\n\t\t\t\t
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Hear Ethan tell his story!<\/h5>\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/section>\n\t\t\t\t
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