It Gets Better CanadaIt Gets Better Canada
So… I think I may have unknowingly written myself into the plot of a messy queer romance novel. I (24F) recently started casually dating this absolutely radiant, incredible, goddess of a woman (let’s call her A). We’re vibing, we’re flirting, the queer tension is tense—it’s all very exciting.
Enter: My best friend, B. She and I have been inseparable for years, but lately, she’s been acting… off. Suddenly, she’s giving me the cold shoulder, making snarky comments about A.
Well, I finally confronted B about the weird vibes, and—plot twist!—she confessed she has feelings for me. Feelings she never acknowledged until I started seeing someone else.
And now? I’m spiraling. Did I really never think of B that way, or have I been too oblivious to notice? Am I actually catching feelings for my best friend or am I just getting lost in the drama of it all? Meanwhile, A is completely unaware of the gay chaos unfolding behind the scenes, and I have no idea how to navigate this situation without breaking hearts—including my own.
So, what do I do? Stick with the woman I was just getting to know, or risk it all for the best friend who may have just upended my entire perception of our relationship? How do I escape this web of yearning, guilt, and sapphic emotional turmoil??
– One very confused lesbian
Dear My Walking WLW Disaster™,
Ah, yes. The age-old sapphic dilemma: Am I having a profound emotional revelation, or am I just overanalyzing the plot of my own life like it’s a critically acclaimed slow-burn lesbian drama?
First of all, breathe. You are not the first queer to accidentally trip and fall into a love triangle, and you won’t be the last. Let’s untangle this emotional web, shall we?
You have two relationships here:
A – The exciting, new connection full of potential and fresh queer romance.
B – The best friend who just dropped a romantic bombshell and possibly changed how you see your entire history together.
You’re caught between loyalty, confusion, and the terrifying realization that feelings are complicated (and sometimes inconveniently timed). But remember: You are not responsible for managing other people’s emotions at the expense of your own clarity.
You said you never thought of B that way before—so what changed? Do you actually have romantic feelings for B? Or are you just experiencing the classic “someone wants me, therefore I must want them back” reaction? Are you feeling pressured because you don’t want to hurt B? Would you have wanted something with B if she had told you before A was in the picture?
It’s important to separate obligation from actual attraction. If your feelings for B are based more on guilt or nostalgia than genuine desire, that’s your answer right there.
Forget what B wants. Forget what A wants. Forget what any of us reading this like it’s a juicy novel want. What do YOU want? If the idea of B as more than a friend doesn’t make your heart do gay acrobatics, don’t force it. But if you do feel something real for B, that’s worth exploring—with honesty and care.
Regardless of what you decide, someone’s feelings will be hurt. That’s not a failure on your part—that’s just how human relationships work. The best thing you can do is communicate with both of them. Be clear with A about where your head is at, and if you decide you don’t feel that way about B, let her know gently but firmly.
There’s no “right” answer here—just the one that feels most honest. You’re allowed to take your time, you’re allowed to be confused, and you’re definitely allowed to not reciprocate B’s feelings just because she suddenly had an epiphany.
At the end of the day, this isn’t about picking a “correct” love interest—it’s about choosing yourself first and making sure whoever you invest in romantically is someone you truly want, not just someone who wants you.
Good luck, dear sapphic disaster. May your heart find clarity, and may your queer turmoil make for an excellent journal entry.
With love and zero judgment,
Dear Queer*
*The advice provided in Dear Queer is intended for informational and supportive purposes only and is not a substitute for professional mental health, medical, or legal advice. While we aim to offer affirming and thoughtful guidance, every individual’s experience is unique. If you’re struggling with your identity, relationships, or mental well-being, we encourage seeking support from a qualified professional, trusted mentor, or 2SLGBTQ+ support organization. Remember—your journey is valid, and you deserve care, clarity, and community.
