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Lately, I’ve been questioning my sexuality because I think I might be aromantic. I’ve never really felt romantic attraction, but I have deep, committed friendships that feel just as important—maybe even more so—than romantic relationships. I’ve been reading about queerplatonic relationships, and they seem to fit how I experience love and connection. But part of me wonders if I’m just “doing friendship wrong” or if I just haven’t met the right person yet. Is it okay to not want romance? How do I know if I’m actually aromantic?
— Confused but Content
First off—big queer hugs! Questioning your identity is a journey, not a test you have to pass. The fact that you’re exploring your feelings means you’re already on the path to understanding yourself better.
Aromanticism is a valid and beautiful part of the spectrum. If you’re finding that you experience deep, meaningful, and committed connections with your queerplatonic friends but don’t feel romantic attraction, that’s totally okay! Society puts alot of emphasis on romance as the “ultimate” form of love, but guess what? It’s not. Queerplatonic relationships (QPRs) can be just as intimate, fulfilling, and life-changing as romantic ones.
The key is to trust your feelings. If romance doesn’t feel like your thing but deep companionship does, that’s a completely valid experience. Labels like aromantic (aro), demiromantic, or grayromantic exist to help you find language for your experience—but you don’t have to fit neatly into any box. You are already whole just as you are.
Take your time, explore what makes you feel happiest, and know that no matter what, your feelings are real, valid, and deserving of respect. The way you love and connect with others is just as meaningful as any romance out there.
With love and validation
– Dear Queer *
Aromanticism exists on a spectrum! Some common identities within it include:
💚 Aromantic (Aro): No or very little romantic attraction.
💚 Grayromantic: Rare or infrequent romantic attraction.
💚 Demiromantic: Romantic attraction only develops after a deep emotional bond.
Some aromantic people are also asexual (little to no sexual attraction), but others still experience sexual attraction! Romantic and sexual orientations are separate—so an aro person can be straight, bi, pan, gay, etc.
At the end of the day, being aromantic is just another beautiful way to experience love and connection.
A queerplatonic relationship (QPR) is a deep, committed, and emotionally intimate relationship that goes beyond traditional friendship but isn’t necessarily romantic or sexual. It’s a relationship built on strong emotional connection, trust, and partnership, but without the expectations that come with romance. Curious about asexuality? Check out this piece written by our friend Jasmine “What is asexuality?”
A queerplatonic relationship (QPR) is a deep, committed, and emotionally intimate relationship that goes beyond traditional friendship but isn’t necessarily romantic or sexual. It’s a relationship built on strong emotional connection, trust, and partnership, but without the expectations that come with romance.
💛 Emotional Intimacy – A deep bond that’s just as meaningful as a romantic or familial connection.
💛 Commitment (if desired) – Some QPRs include lifelong partnership, living together, or shared responsibilities.
💛 Flexible Boundaries – QPRs are customizable! They might include physical affection, co-parenting, or anything the partners agree on.
💛 Not Necessarily Romantic or Sexual – Many people in QPRs are aromantic or asexual, but not always!
QPRs challenge society’s idea that romance is the highest form of love. They prove that platonic love can be just as powerful, life-changing, and fulfilling as any other relationship.
*The advice provided in Dear Queer is intended for informational and supportive purposes only and is not a substitute for professional mental health, medical, or legal advice. While we aim to offer affirming and thoughtful guidance, every individual’s experience is unique. If you’re struggling with your identity, relationships, or mental well-being, we encourage seeking support from a qualified professional, trusted mentor, or 2SLGBTQ+ support organization. Remember—your journey is valid, and you deserve care, clarity, and community.
